Tuesday, April 28, 2009

An Obituary For Someone Else

Our church was saddened to learn this week of the death of one of our most valued members, Someone Else. Someone's passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill.

Else has been with us for many years and for every one of those years, Someone did far more than a normal person's share of the work. Whenever there was a job to do, a class to teach, or a meeting to attend, one name was on everyone's list: "Let Someone Else do it." Whenever leadership was mentioned, this wonderful person was looked to for inspiration as well as results: "Someone Else can work with that group."

It was common knowledge that Someone Else was among the most liberal givers in our church. Whenever there was a financial need, everyone just assumed Someone Else would make up the difference. Someone Else was a wonderful person; sometimes appearing superhuman. Were the truth known, everybody expected too much of Someone Else.

Now Someone Else is gone! We wonder what we are going to do. Someone Else left a wonderful example to follow, but who is going to follow it? Who is going to do the things Someone Else did? When you are asked to help this year, remember -- We can't depend on Someone Else any more.

(Author unknown)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

A Holiday for Atheists

ATHEIST HOLY DAY - FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLIDAY!

(Note: I do not know that this story is true, but I agree with the sentiment nonetheless. -ecf)

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,"Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays." The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant." The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists." The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God. Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day."

"Court is adjourned."

Friday, April 24, 2009

Praying for Shoes

On a cold day in December, some years ago, a little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold. A lady approached the young boy and said, "My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window."

"I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boy's reply. The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel. By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair on the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, "No doubt, you will be more comfortable now."

As she turned to go, the astonished child caught her by the hand, and, looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her, "Are you God's wife?"

Forwarded by Will Penner/from Mikey's Funnies (www.mikeysfunnies.com)


Thought for the Day

Kindness is a witness that offends no one.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

$100 Prayer Request (Through Washington)

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and the government deducted $95 in taxes."

(Is it just me, or does this remind you of the "stimulus" plans too?)


Thought for the Day

Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "Theirs?"

The 5% E-Mail

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior going on. So He called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time. When the angel returned, he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

God was not pleased, so He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said? Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Master, Teacher, Healer, Leader, Conqueror........

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.
Had no army, yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

Friday, April 03, 2009

If Jesus Was Ministering on Earth Today...

If Jesus were to do His same ministry on earth today, He would be wanted by.....
  • The Food and Drug Administration for turning water into wine without a license.
  • The Envioronmental Protection Administration and the Sierra Club for killing fig trees.
  • The American Medical Association for practicing medicine without a license.
  • The Department of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead and by the Inspections Division for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness.
  • The Department of Education and the National Education Association for teaching without a certificate.
  • By OSHA for walking on water without a life-jacket and for flying without an airplane.
  • The ASPCA for driving hogs into the sea.
  • The American Psychiatric Association for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life.
  • By the Zoning Board and the Building Inspections Office for building mansions without a permit.

Thought for the Day

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Call to Prayer


(Note: I am passing this along, even though I do not normally forward what would constitute a "chain" email. In this case I believe that no harm, and certainly a lot of good, can come from asking friends and neighbors to pray for each other, our nation and ourselves. Our nation is certainly in need of a spiritual, moral and even economic revival on both a national and a personal basis. Join me in praying for ourselves, each other and our nation.)


II Chronicles 7:14

AFTER A DAY OF CONTEMPLATION AND SOUL SEARCHING, I HAVE DECIDED TO REACH OUT TO MY FRIENDS AND RELATIVES AND ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN TROUBLING ME FOR A LONG TIME.
OUR NATION IS/HAS BEEN ON THE SLIPPERY SLOPE TO HELL FOR A LONG TIME. IF YOU LOOK AROUND YOU WILL FIND CORRUPTION, GREED, MORAL DECAY AND A STEADY MOVE AWAY FROM THE THINGS THAT MADE US GREAT. THE PRINCIPLES UPON WHICH THIS NATION WAS FOUNDED ARE NO LONGER OUR BACKBONE.
HOWEVER, WE CAN REVERSE THIS TREND.
IN GOD'S WORD HE STATES, "IF MY PEOPLE WHO ARE CALLED BY MY NAME WILL HUMBLE THEMSELVES, AND PRAY, AND SEEK MY FACE, AND TURN FROM THEIR WICKED WAYS, THEN I WILL HEAR FROM HEAVEN, AND WILL FORGIVE THEIR SIN AND HEAL THEIR LAND."

I AM CONVINCED THAT WE MUST PRAY FOR OUR NATION AND ITS LEADERS AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS, SO I ASK YOU TO JOIN ME IN THIS PLEA TO OUR LORD.

WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND THIS TO AT LEAST 25 PEOPLE IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK, (SEND IT TO ALL OF THEM). ASK THEM TO PRAY EVERY DAY. 25 TO THE 5TH POWER IS 9,765,625 PEOPLE. IMAGINE IF EACH PERSON REACHES TEN OTHERS.
IF YOU DO AND THEY COMPLY, WE WILL LIFT UP MILLIONS OF PRAYERS A DAY TO OUR CREATOR. HE WILL HEAR US AND IN FAITH WILL ANSWER.

Let me just add a quote from Ronald Reagan - "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." I truly believe this is why the United States of America is in the shape we are in today. Most people have forgotten that we are ONE NATION UNDER GOD! Let us as Christians stand up and remind people of this. ~

Have a Blessed Day!
      



Monday, March 23, 2009

A Positive Start for Your Day

HOW TO BEGIN EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file on your computer.
2. Name the file "Barack Obama."
3. Send the file to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin
5. Your PC will ask: "Do you really want to permanently delete 'Barack Obama?'"
6. Firmly click on "YES."
7. Feel better?
8. GOOD!! Tomorrow we will follow with "Nancy Pelosi," then "Harry Reid," then "Barney Frank," then "Chuck Schumer," then "Joe Biden," etc., etc.

Thanks to Homer Hayes for sending this to me!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Church Seating Request Form

Memo to all church members:

During the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the church. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the church office as soon as possible.

1. I would prefer to sit in the...
(Check one: )___ Talking section; ___ No talking section; ___ Snob section.

2. If talking, which category do you prefer?
(Indicate order of interest: )
___ General gossip;
___ Specific gossip.

2a. If specific gossip:
___ The senior minister/pastor; ___ the associate pastor; ___ the choir director; ___ the organist; ___ the trustees; ___ the deacons/administrative council; ___ the fashion news; ___ what others are wearing; ___ your neighbors; ___ your relatives; ___ your neighbors' relatives; __________ Sex (Preference); __________ Who is cheating on/having an affair with whom; __________ other; __________ other; __________ other.

3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
___ Doctor; ___ Dentist; ___ Child psychiatrist; ___ Mother in law; ___ Grandparent; ___ Podiatrist; ___ Chiropractor; ___ Stockbroker; ___ Accountant; ___ Lawyer; ___ Real estate agent; ___ Architect; ___ Plumber; General contractor; __________ Buyer (Specify store); __________ Buyer; __________ Buyer; ___ Golf pro; ___ Tennis pro; __________ Other (specify); __________ Other; __________ Other.

4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority): ___ On the aisle; ___ Near the exit; ___ Near the window; ___ On the Beach; ___ In the mountains; ___Near the bathroom; ___ In a private luxury suite (Building fund donation required); ___ Near my in-laws; ___ As far away from my in-laws as possible; ___ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible; ___ Near single men; ___ Near available women; ___ Where no one can see/hear me talking during services; ___ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services; ___ Where no one can see/hear me talking or see me sleeping during the sermon (NOTE: Additional charge).

5. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people (Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation): 1) _________; 2) __________; 3 __________; 4 __________; 5 __________; 6 __________.

6. Your name: _________________________________
Building fund pledge: $____________
__________ fund pledge: $__________
__________ fund pledge: $__________
(NOTE: The church reserves the right to stipulate a minimum pledge amount for each request. All requests subject to credit approval and background check.)

Credit Card number: _______________ Expiration date___/_______
Check number:__________ (Two week hold until check clears)

Signature: __________________________
Print name: __________________________
Date:___/___/___.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

"A new New Deal is not the solution" - Virginia Foxx

http://www2.journalnow.com/content/2009/feb/18/a-new-new-deal-is-not-the-solution/

A new New Deal is not the solution
By Rep. Virginia Foxx

GUEST COLUMNIST
Published: February 18, 2009
"We are spending more [money] than we have ever spent before and it does not work. I want to see this country prosperous. I want to see people get a job. We have never made good on our promises. I say after eight years of this administration we have just as much unemployment as when we started and an enormous debt to boot."
Surprisingly, this statement is not one of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's criticisms of the Bush years. Instead, it's from Henry Morgenthau, secretary of the Treasury for 11 years under Franklin D. Roosevelt more than 70 years ago.
Morgenthau, given the task of financing and carrying out many of Roosevelt's Depression-era spending programs, made these remarks while testifying before Congress in 1939 -- at the tail end of the New Deal programs that had been started in 1933 when FDR was first elected.
Today the New Deal is back -- Morgenthau's candid comments about government spending notwithstanding. We all know the "new" New Deal by a less appealing title, the stimulus package.
We are in a recession, millions of Americans are hurting, either jobless, facing foreclosure or on the precipice of personal financial disaster. The solution to our economic downturn is not to stand by with fingers crossed hoping that everything will sort itself out. That is not an option for our nation. Congress must act now.
But the people who peddled the so-called stimulus would have Americans believe that Republicans like me who opposed the stimulus are only in favor of doing nothing.
In fact, The Washington Post reported that during his news conference last week, President Obama said, "There seems to be a set of folks who -- I don't doubt their sincerity -- who just believe that we should do nothing."
With all due respect, that is nonsense.
The Post continued, noting "in truth, few of those involved in the stimulus debate are suggesting that the government should not take action to aid the cratering economy. Many of the president's fiercest congressional critics support a stimulus package of similar size but think it should be built around a much higher proportion of tax cuts than new spending."
Exactly. I understand that people are hurting, and want to take steps to address our economic problems. I simply want those steps to be the right ones.
There are some good things in the stimulus bill and plenty of bad things. Unfortunately, the bad far outweigh the good.
The bill was sold as a "stimulus" package. But close examination reveals its true colors. From stem to stern, this bill was honeycombed with goodies that simply do not create jobs or spur economic growth.
It has money for electric golf carts ($300 million), cash for flu preparedness ($900 million) and money for following up on the 2010 census ($1 billion). It's not clear how many, if any, jobs these provisions create.
The stimulus also contains $1 billion for airport baggage-screening equipment. You know what? I don't oppose buying the necessary equipment to screen baggage at airports. But I do oppose putting money in this package that will not quickly and efficiently get people back to work and give our economy a real boost.
A company that makes baggage-screening equipment told the Wall Street Journal that if the $1 billion for airport baggage-screening equipment came its way it would create 185 jobs.
One hundred eighty-five new jobs sounds like a great idea. But parse the numbers and that comes out to $5.4 million per job created. That's not an efficient way to simulate the economy.
The average annual wage in the Winston-Salem area is about $40,000, which means we could hire a typical Winston-Salem area worker for 135 years on the amount that would be spent to create one of these baggage-screening equipment jobs.
We can spend taxpayer money better than that.
For the past few weeks I pushed a plan that creates jobs through targeted tax cuts for entrepreneurs (the people who create jobs in America), families and the unemployed (who currently pay taxes on their unemployment checks). Many of my colleagues have also called for a plan based more on tax cuts.
By using the research of Christina Romer and Jared Bernstein, two of the Obama administration's top economic advisers, the Joint Tax Committee found that this tax cut-based plan will create 6.2 million jobs -- twice the amount touted by stimulus backers.
And the real kicker? It costs about half as much. I wouldn't call that "doing nothing."
■ Rep. Virginia Foxx represents the 5th Congressional District of North Carolina in the U.S. House of Representatives. She serves on the House Committee on Rules.

Response
by Eric Farthing (as posted on http://nc05.com/)

Unlike the disparaging comments on JournalNow.com, I must support Rep. Foxx. NO nation has ever spent its way out of a recession or depression. Winston Churchill stated that spending one’s way out of a recession is akin to standing in a bucket and trying to lift yourself by the handle. Another person (possibly Will Rogers) said that if you find yourself in a (spending) hole, the first step to getting out of the hole is to stop digging.

The only way we found our way out of the so-called “Great Depression” was by producing our way out of it as a result of the mobilization leading up to and through World War II. Franklin Roosevelt was arguably a great president for his leadership, especially during the war years, but he was NOT a great president in terms of economics.

The first New Deal did NOT create jobs, at least not permanent ones. It did help my grandfathers and uncles find work for a time, but employment remained high until we began opening defense plants (built primarily by the private sector) to support the war effort. Barack H. Obama will find a way to try to take credit for an economic recovery when it comes, but he was part of the problem going in with the mismanagement of the financial crisis (he was campaigning while Chris Dodd and others ignored the signs of the collapse) and the recovery will happen despite his programs, not because of them.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Explaining Childbirth

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"

"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."

"Oh," said the boy, "and how were you and daddy born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us too."

"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.

Some days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher, who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."


Thought for the Day:

Those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Telemarketing Script


Below is a list of questions to ask each telemarketer when they call you. Print these questions, and put them next to the phone. Telemarketers are required by law to answer each of these questions. Write the answers down and as well as the date, time of the call, and anything else that will help you remember the call.

  • What is your name?
  • What is the name and address of the company you represent?
    Do you work for [company name] or do you work for a telemarketing firm? (Few companies do their own telemarketing, even when calling their own customers. Ask the person calling if they work for the company they are representing, or they work for a telemarketing firm.
  • 0What is the company phone number?
  • Please put my number on your "Do Not Call List". In essence, there are two Do Not Call lists - the National Registry and a company's internal do not call list. Most telemarketers, even those that are exempt from the Do Not Call Registry, are still required to maintain their own company-specific do not call list. If you are contacted by a company that is exempt from the National Registry, you can request to be placed on the company's internal do not call list. You can take advantage of this strategy even if you do not subscribe to the National Registry.
  • If the company calling is a telemarketing firm, ask for your number to be put on both Do Not Call Lists: the telemarketing firm and the company they are representing.
  • Also, ask whether they make calls for any other companies. If they say yes, ask them not to call you on behalf of any entity.
  • If you ask a company with which you have an existing business relationship to put you on their company-specific do not call list, that company can no longer call, even if you continue doing business with them. If you request to be placed on the do not call list of a company with which you have an existing business relationship, your request will not apply to their affiliates. If an affiliate calls, you will have to request to be placed on that company's do not call list as well.
  • Please send me a copy of your "Do Not Call" policy. Companies are required to provide you with their Do Not Call Policy on demand.
After this they probably won't call you again. But save your notes, and if the company does call more then once (they are allowed to make one mistake) in a 12 month period, then you can file a complaint with your local small claims court.

(From http://800notes.com/)

Saturday, February 09, 2008

The New Republican Presidential Landscape

As you know, since my last post Fred Thompson and Mitt Romney have withdrawn from the Republican Party presidential primary race. While this leaves choices that are less attractive to the conservative wing of the party, I would encourage those who would either vote against the party's eventual nominee or sit the election out to seriously consider the consequences of those actions. I believe that democracy is best served by having everyone involved in the process, no matter what your political or philosophical persuasion. Voting for a candidate from the other major party out of spite because the nominee doesn't meet all of your expectations is, to use an old metaphor, "cutting off your nose to spite your face."

In 1964, many moderates, who were the "establishment" in the Republican party, sat out the campaign and the election after the party nominated Barry Goldwater, helping Lyndon Johnson win by a landslide. In 1968, the assasination of Bobby Kennedy and the very public battle between those supporting Gene McCarthy and the faction that supported Hubert Humphrey, along with the third-party breakaway by those Southern Democrats who supported George Wallace, combined to hand the election to Richard Nixon. Some would say that the dissatisfaction of "Reagan conservatives" with George H. W. Bush and the third party candicacy of H. Ross Perot in 1992 (which drew many Republican voters away from Bush) significantly aided the election of Bill Clinton. Clinton won by 5.5 million votes in an election where Ross Perot garnered 19.2 million votes (but no electoral votes). The result? Bush, who won 426 electoral votes in 1988, only garnered 168 electoral votes (to Bill Clinton's 370) in 1992, an electoral "landslide" in a race where Clinton won only 43 percent of the vote.

Republicans (and Democrats) whose candidate does not gain their party's nomination would do well to consider the ramifications of sitting out the election, or of voting for the other party's candidate. Not only could that help elect the opponent's candidate, but it would very likely cause a significant change in the balance of power in Congress and numerous state races. I do not advocate blind obedience to any party or a return to "straight ticket" voting, as choosing the party without any regard to the candidate has often resulted in disaster where an incompetent (or even criminal) politician has gained power when endorsed by a party or a political "machine." Just look at Tammany Hall in New York and old-style Chicago politics for two examples of the downside of blind obedience. I simply suggest that disenchanted supporters of candidates who have left the race (or any other political campaign) look beyond differences on some issues and consider the alternatives, which could include being on the outside looking in and having little or no influence if that candidate happens to prevail. Having a voice in the process after the election could be even more important if one's voice is to be heard. Ann Coulter, et al, take notice!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

HumanEvents.com Endorses Fred Thompson

"The 2008 presidential election is the most unusual and most important in many years. It's been more than five decades since such a race didn't feature an incumbent President or Vice President. Since World War II, America has not had a presidential election at a time when the stakes were higher. Conservatives have to win this election, and to do so, we have to identify a candidate around whom we all can rally.


"We begin by recalling the profound words of Ronald Reagan at the Conservative Political Action Conference Feb. 15, 1975: "A political party cannot be all things to all people. It must represent certain fundamental beliefs which must not be compromised to political expediency or simply to swell its numbers. " We believed that then, and we believe it now. The issue for us -- and for the conservative community -- boils down to which of the candidates is most representative of the fundamental conservative principles we believe in. The answer is Fred Thompson."

Read the full story online at http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=24398.